On Friday the 20th, I accidentally stabbed myself in the finger with a knife.
It was an avocado accident.
As I bled all over my kitchen, I recall saying something about just how much that week had sucked and to cap the whole affair off with plunging a knife into a poor defenseless finger… let’s just say that I was not best pleased.
Happily, my finger has healed up quite nicely, and being a nerd, I’ve been rather fascinated with the whole process (not to mention how much blood can pour out of an appendage so small). I had a restful week, a lovely Christmas, and a spirited viewing of the nonsensical Doctor Who Christmas Special with friends (it was a bit of a let down, sorry to say… the episode, not the friends…).
Now, quite rested and not in the possession of any extra holiday pounds, I’ve been thinking about the upcoming year.
I’m not going to make any resolutions.
I kept a few of the ones that I made last year, but I don’t really need the extra pressure. All of the things that I want to do will still be on my “to-do” list without needing to, say, stab myself in the finger with a knife if I don’t master them in 2014.
No, really, that was an avocado accident.
It has been suggested (this morning, in fact) that I look for a husband in 2014… because people are both hilarious and sensitive. After more discussions about my singleness than I’m comfortable with this month, I really don’t need pointed jokes on the subject.
Also, where precisely am I supposed to be looking?
Is there a husband dealership somewhere? Do they sell husbands on the black market? Is there an underground racket for husbands?
Are there epic quests I must complete for a husband to appear like the Goblet of Fire?
Is there a magical map?
And what will he be doing while I’m looking? Is he actively running in the opposite direction (are we playing “Capture the Flag”?), or is he sitting at his desk eating bon-bons?
Am I required to bring more bon-bons as a bribe?
Shall I dress like Hunter from Neverwhere and carry a great spear?
Would that be attractive or terrifying? I can never tell…
One day, I shall have cards printed to inform people that they have breached the boundaries of good taste and are therefore invited to pull their beaks out of my business.
Maybe I’ll do that in 2014… beautiful little embossed and monogrammed “nunya bidness” cards.
I am, in general, looking forward to 2014… not because I expect anything to change greatly, but because there’s simply nowhere else to look.
2013 is essentially over, and it was a strange little year and I’m not quite sure we were friends, but 2014 is fresh and has no mistakes in it yet.
I shall, of course, be documenting the mistakes here as they happen.