Always a Bear

You know, I have to tell you… no offense… you guys are great, really, and I know that you’re trying… but I am always disappointed when the “monster” that you scientists are looking for turns out to be a bear.

Again.

I mean, it’s kind-of ALWAYS a bear, guys.
I didn’t go to school for science, but I don’t know… I feel like you might be doing it wrong.
You wouldn’t look at an small, emaciated pony and think, “That’s El Chupacabra, by golly!” You wouldn’t do that, would you?
Right.
Then let’s all just try a little bit harder to remember that Bigfoot is not a bear.

You remember what bears look like, don’t you? Do we need a bear refresher course?
Bulky… covered in fur… they chase humans for their granola and beef jerky… it’s always a bear! Obviously a bear! Couldn’t POSSIBLY be more of a bear, even if it wore clothes and stole pic-a-nic baskets!
Stop taking pictures of bears and telling me that it’s Bigfoot!
THAT is a bear, and Bigfoot is obviously not a bear!
If it looks like a bear, it’s not Bigfoot!
Shake your head! Rinse out your contacts! Put your glasses back on! Stop drinking that stuff!

I mean, really.
YOU’RE EMBARRASSING ME.

— Me, following any given episode of Finding Bigfoot or MonsterQuest

 

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